happy birthday

Today, August 31st, coincides with the birthday of Mr. Hezbollah himself, Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah, may god keep his beard lice-free. So, all together now, happy birthday to you!!!

Coincidentally, today also coincides with the day Moussa al-Sadr disappeared. The dude, if alive today, would be 79 years old. Nonetheless, some people (hint: a certain Speaker of the House) still believe that he is alive and kicking somewhere. Actually, some people believe that he’s alive and being kicked by Libyan feet.

The official beirut impromptu® verdict on the case is that, regardless of whether or not Sadr is alive, why hasn't he made it to the Guinness World Records? I mean, he is the world hide-and-seek champion, right?

Happy Birthday, again, Mr. Naz and may your wishes come true...

I take that last part back. We don't wanna scare our Zionist neighbors (or any of those Lebanese few who fear that the blueprints for an Islamic state are cooking inside your turbanned head).

May some of your less-dramatic wishes come true.

private thoughts, horoscopes and Oh-My-God!

Tuning your mind to the blogging business is not very easy. I think that spilling your guts into the great unknown is one of the hardest things to do. Unless you’re an exhibitionist. In a sense, all blog readers are voyeurs. The highlighted words are sure to attract a lot of “Search Engine Visitors”.

Anyway, today I will attempt to forget that I am not an exhibitionist (and you are all peeping-toms) and give you a small peek into an extremely private thought.

But first, a word from our sponsors:

Bush Urges Nation To Be Quiet For A Minute While He Tries To Think

Ok, so those weren’t our sponsors, but (since they make fun of George W.) who cares?

two moons

They said that, on august 27, a few minutes after midnight, you will be able to see what appear to be two moons in the night sky. This optical illusion is brought about by planet of the War God Mars, which approached the earth for the first time in a long time, they said. People sat around on their balconies, bought their six-packs of beers, peanuts and chips, and they all sat on their asses to watch the star-spotted heavens.

And then…

Nothing.

According to an e-mail circulating in cyberspace, the red planet Mars will be exceptionally close to the earth on Aug 27 this year and "it will look like the earth has two moons!”

This hoax e-mail chain started following the Mars close approach of 2003, which was an actual event. On the 27th of August, 2003 Mars was closer to Earth than it had been for several thousands of years before or after.

Anyone who gave it a minute's thought could have discerned the striking oddity that the event was taking place on the exact same day, 3 years later.

I didn't sit on the balcony on sunday night. I was actually asleep. But I have to admit that I actually thought I missed a great event. Yes, ladies and gents, the Gunpowder Monk did not "discern the striking oddity ". Did I just make fun of my own language?

do you believe?

If you do, here are your horoscopes for today...If you don't, here are your horoscopes for today.

this lady got skills

You need only to watch to be impressed.


Knife Skills - video powered by Metacafe

In case she was too fast for you, that's a knife in her hand. Also, notice the cold, heartless and expressionless face. Damn.

Have a great day, folks...and don't try this at home.

GM

joke of the year

An Israeli recently arrives at London's Heathrow airport. The customs officer starts asking him questions, as listed on the immigration entry form.

" Name?"

"Eli Fleischman"

"Occupation..?"

The Israeli promptly replies: "No, just visiting!"
---------------------------------

This is really funny, provided you're not a pro-Zionist Israeli or pro-Israeli NeoCon. Feel free to e-mail it to your friends. Circulate freely.

writer's block

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe there hasn't been anything worth mentioning. I hate to talk about the same old shit concerning the politics, despite every instinct and urge to comment on the "confiscation" of Hezbollah weapons by the Lebanese army in the south.

I also have nothing to say about Kofi Annan's visit to Lebanon and the short trip he made to the annihilated villages in the south, or the fact that he was booed by the denizens of Beirut's suburbs.

I don't want to speak about the explosions in Turkey, which has been split on whether to send troops to join UN peacekeeping forces in Lebanon. I don't want to correlate between the timing of the explosions and the need to decide on the Lebanese issue.

I haven't got much to say on the slow progress of UN Security Council Resolution 1701.

I try to avoid discussing Pluto, because it reminds me of the fact that the smaller you are the more likely it is that you'll be discredited and pushed out.

I hate using the word "I".

I haven't watched a decent soccer match since the world cup. I haven't watched a decent anything since the world cup.

I want a vacation but am not entitled to one according the the rules and regulations of the institution where i work (no names allowed).

With all these topics off-limit, I am left with nothing to say. Please visit again later.

Meanwhile, enjoy this great article.

idiots

As French troops arrived to Beirut by boat, these idiot bathers were busy soaking their bodies in the slimy goo that covers the Lebanese territorial waters. This environmental catastrophe has not kept idiots from taking their children into the water.

when you ask yourself questions like this:

What the hell am I doing behind a desk in Beirut while my friends are emailing me pictures they took, such as these:

This is Norway...

Thank you Sandrine.

Friday under the stars

On Friday night, we drank wine under a billion stars in a calm and cozy village some 45 minutes south of Beirut. It was a serene night full of existential questions on existence, God, evolution, flatulence and diarrhea.

Needless to say, we were a great feast for the mosquitoes; all-you-can-eat. Somebody needs to explain to me why God created these bloodsucking buzzers. Also, why did Noah take two mosquitoes onto the ark?

related thoughts

An average mosquito has 47 teeth but it still sucks.

Male mosquitoes don't bite, and that's not a sexist remark.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star

I don’t wonder what you are

You’re the cooling down of gases

Forming into solid masses

wine kills conspiracy theory

I have answers.

Wine is one of the best potions for loosening the tongue. Not only will it make for hours of conversation, but it will also bring forth many answers. A couple of wine bottles helped put an end to the rumors that have been circulating about the MEA (Middle East Airlines) landings in Jordan.

Recently, the bovine Lebanese people have been supporting and spreading rumors that claim that the airplanes are being searched by a group of Jordanian security forces accompanied by “foreign-looking” men, who could be Israeli agents. Everyone loves a good conspiracy theory, myself included. But, unfortunately for me, a couple of wine bottles put an end to the fun.

Over a delicious dinner with an MEA chief steward and his enjoyable family, I was told that no one boards the airplanes. The steward told me that the airplanes stop to refuel in Amman because Lebanon has no fuel to provide. After pressing him hard for more information (or possibly in hope of extracting some delectable conspiracy), he told me that the only one to approach the airplane while it was parked in the Jordanian airport’s runway was the man who drove the fuel truck. This vehicle approaches the airplane and parks under the wing to replenish the aircraft’s fuel supply. That’s all.

It was a great dinner, but my dreams of conspiracy and thick Israeli plots were dashed to pieces.

the world is changing...

...too fast.

Read more.

thought to self

The cars are back to making long, long lines in front of the gas stations. I hate the herd mentality. I hate how one rumor could turn the capital into one big traffic jam. Someone says, "Oh my G**, we're gonna run out of gas!" and next thing you know, everybody is fighting for their place in a line by the gas station. Stupid sheep.

Today we learn that the oil tanker heading for Beirut will actually be allowed to pass into the port. The Israelis said “Let there be light!” Speaking of light, it seems that the more fuel we get, the less electricity we have. All the fuel is probably being used to bring light to the homes of the poor politicians and MPs and mayors and smalltime political parasites. Meanwhile, the layman will have to do it in the dark. Love is in the air.

On a different note, I was reading an article about the supposed terrorist scare at Heathrow Airport. The article spoke about the bloodcurdling “liquid explosives” that the US claims were going to be used by the terrorists to denote the airplanes on their way to America. Here’s the article. But if you’re too lazy to read it, let me just tell you that the author explains how impossible the plot is. There is no way the “terrorists” could have used liquid explosives or anything of the like to blow up anything. It’s all an unfeasible lie by the US media…Do try and give it a read.

UFOs

No. Beirut has yet to be visited by intelligent life forms from outer space. Actually, Beirut is yet to be visited by intelligent life forms from anywhere. The Unidentified Flying Objects I speak of are airplanes. As of late, the silent night skies of the city have been disturbed by the humming of airplanes turbines. The problem is that we’re an edgy nation. “What’s that sound?” “Was that a commercial airplane or a jet fighter?” “Are they dropping bombs?” “Can you see it?” “Are they here to get me?” “The sounds turn me on, touch me quick; no one's watching.”

The poor pilots still have to make a landing in Jordan, where they get searched by pro-Israeli Jordanian security. Once our friendly neighbors make sure than no missiles are in the backpacks of school kids or in the bras of women, the airplane can take off again. This forced pit stop must really place a lot of unneeded expenses on the backs of commercial airlines, and then inevitably on the fares of passengers. Soon, with the unnecessary delay and extra charges, we will lose whatever little tourism we might hope to salvage after the war.

Tourism? Yes, some Lebanese people (hint: Phoenicians) might hate Arabs, but we can’t deny that they pay big money to drink in our bars and sleep with our women (and men).

Other Lebanese (hint: Good friends of Saudi Arabia and France) love Arabs.

Some love Iranians (sorry, no hint).

One thing is for sure: Lebanese people love themselves the most.

wine and crime night

Don’t try to be a smart detective when you’re drinking wine. This maxim we learned yesterday while (you guessed it) drinking wine and (did you guess it?) playing Scotland Yard.
The game taught us a few more things:

1. don't play by candle light: Sore eyes suck.
2. don't play with your mother: She knows you. She'll catch you quicker than you can say Scotland Yard.
3. Mr. X (the thief) is not deaf: He/she can actually hear what the detectives are saying.

a shot in the dark

Since the war started, I have never come back home to find electricity. This might mean nothing to many, but it means a 6-storey of stairs to climb for me. Sorry to share this otherwise insignificant remark, but it pisses me off. The point is to spontaneously combust™.

Feel free to burn™ something yourself.

office revelations

Everyday, in every way, I get better. I don’t remember who said this, and I can’t be bothered to Google™ it either. Anyway, I mean to say that there’s something new to learn everyday; something that will make you a better person. Today I learned something fresh about the office, and about the people who work in it.

I arrived at work at 7:30 in accordance with the summer hour regulations. A few minutes later, my fellow employee arrived and, as soon as she had her stuff arranged on her desk, let loose a series of stories that ran uninterrupted fro 45 minutes. She left no one in the office untouched by her offensive/defensive backstabbing and vilification.

The horror.

At 8:15, she stopped for a cigarette. She stepped outside and I thanked god that I quit smoking the minute I got this job. If I hadn’t, she would have invited me to step outside and listen some more.

When the other (late) employees began filing into the office, the razor-tongued lady (call her Ms. X) took to her cubicle in evil silence. I thought that was the end of it, but I was son to find out I was far from right.

Soon, the secretary, whom I thought I was good friends with, came up to me to ask about my wellbeing. “How are you doing?” she asked. “I saw your blank face as you were listening to the blabber of Ms. X. I hope you’re ok. It must have been horrible,” she added, sarcastically. I thought we had a common hatred of Ms. X’s ranting.

A few minutes later, I was listening to the endless gossip and chatter of the secretary, who only needed an ice-breaker to shower me with her smalltime prattle. What can one do to lose the speakers (the ones who speak, not the sound system)?

The only good colleague in this hell-ridden office is the one who speaks the least. This means that the only one I can actually get along with is the one I can’t talk to. Life’s little ironies.

I have just done my share of gossip and slander and libel. I should take some time off now...

Oh, no! Here she comes. Ms. X.

Shit...

part-time arghile-ists doing their thing in the middle of a war site in Beirut's Israel-destroyed suburb

This picture really says it all. I can't say anything more.

5 random things that piss me off (and should piss you off too, but probably won't because we're on different wavelengths)

Before getting into anything, I'd like to ask you to go here and watch this short yet informative video. You won't regret it. See you in 17 minutes.

1) Iranians disguised as Mexicans

Let’s look at this very intriguing news story. According to the Texas Sheriffs' Border Coalition, many of the illegal immigrants entering the US through the permeable border with Mexico are now “Arab-speaking” individuals, possibly Iranians. According to the data in the article, these individuals are learning the Spanish language and blending into the Mexican culture before paying some $50,000 to be smuggled into the US.

That’s not the only interesting fact the story has to offer. It also speaks about clothes items found along the banks of the Rio Grande River. These items include badges for Iranian military, some depicting an airplane flying into a tower (see picture on the right). You really have to see the article for more pics.


What captured my attention the most, and should be the first question you raised, is, “If Iranian military and Arab-speaking terrorists could easily learn Spanish and blend into Mexican culture, how come American students have trouble learning a new language, including Spanish?” Did anybody ever study about the trouble with learning a new language as an adult? And how come Iranians speak such lousy Arabic when Farsi is actually closer to Arabic than it is to Mexican?

Here’s another question: “If Iranian terrorists are blending into Mexican culture, how come they can’t blend into the US culture? If they are such chameleons, how come they are so ‘easily identified’ as terrorists?”


What implications will this have on Mexico? Is this a new US plot to isolate America from the rest of the world? So many questions, so little time.

2) the oil slick

Yesterday evening, over a cool glass of white wine, a friend of mine who works with Greenpeace told me the shocking news. The oil slick on the Lebanese coast is nothing compared to what lies beneath. According to my friend, the black muck we can see on the beach and on the surface of the water is less severe than the sludge moving along the sea bed.

He went on to tell me that the thick “lava-like” sludge covers the entire seafloor and has already dealt doom to the entire seafloor inhabiting creatures. “Only [yesterday] afternoon, we watched a video of dead fish being rolled along the Lebanese sea bed by waves,” he said. Efforts to clean up the mess might take forever, he added.

3) her

Recognize her? She* pisses me off.

4) president-related sexual harassment

Israeli police have raided the official residence of President Moshe Katsav and taken away computers and documents in connection with sexual harassment allegations.

Detectives will question the 60-year-old today under caution after a female former employee accused him of forcing her to have sexual relations with him.

read on...

5) Dan Halutz

Did you hear that the IDF Chief of Staff Dan Halutz, a revered Lieutenant General, actually sold his stocks before going to war with Lebanon? I'm no economics genius, but I could tell you it stinks of fish.

------------------------

Do your homework, people. Something's cooking and the smell isn't mouthwatering at all.

* She is Condoleezza Rice, aka Condi.

thank you Israel & USA

Many bloggers have been accusing the media of overdoing it with the pictures of destruction. These pictures were taken not by a professional photographer, but rather by an average American person wandering through the suburbs of Beirut. Enjoy.

Please free to expand the pics for some interesting details of the destruction.

how to make a bomb

or how to orchestrate an international terrorist scare

Do you want to be the next television and media sensation? Are you dreaming of instant fame? How about appearing on every evening news broadcast as well as hourly news flashes? The limelight life is for you. Here's how: Become the USA's new top terrorist.

The US and UK are constantly looking for new terrorists. But recent news reports show that Europe is following in the footsteps of the proverbial giants. Germany is on the warpath too. This means that now is the opportunity to cash in on the increase in demand.

This blog is not intended to be a comprehensive guide to becoming the next terrorist. You will have to depend on your imagination and your intuition (if you’re an Arab, you are a terrorist by nature). What this blog will do for you is provide broad guidelines to becoming the next Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein or any one of the many 9/11 pilots who turned out to be alive!

baby steps

One can’t expect to become the international Captain Hook overnight. It will take perseverance and lots of hard work. Begin by purchasing the following terrorist must-haves and put them in your travel bag. Don’t worry; no airport or train station surveillance system ever seems to catch these things!

1. matches

2. liquid explosives

3. penknife

4. The Complete Idiot’s Guide™ to Airplane Piloting (please don’t forget the manual in the cab on the way to airport).

Of course, you will need some form of fireproof ID papers that would survive the explosion in order to link you to the terrorists. These documents can be purchased almost anywhere in the world.

Don’t forget to keep your beard and moustache. In order to make prime time television, you need to have the terrorist’s Middle Eastern Looks®. Don’t try to blend in. racial profiling means that anyone, even a 4-year old, on the airplane or train can report you as a potential terrorist.

the baby boomers

This American term refers to those born between 1946 and 1964. But for now, it will refer to any Arab born any time between 1818 and 2207. These “boomers” are possible self-detonators, suicide bombers, aircraft pilots, terrorist wannabes and almost anyone with the potential to go Boom!

As a baby boomer, you have an advantage. You don’t really need a bomb to scare anyone. All you need to do is make any suspicious move to attract CIA and FBI attention, becoming an overnight miracle.

The suspicious moves include:

1. winking
2. slurping while drinking
3. laughing
4. smiling at strangers
5. reading a manual on aircraf piloting (see above)
6. getting up to go to the bathroom
7. asking to talk to the pilot
8. itching your beard
9. having a beard
10. pronouncing anything in Arabic, Farsi, or any non-English language
11. making eye contact with anyone
12. not making eye contact with anyone
13. fixing your belt in public
14. carrying a sack on your waist
15. lookig Asian (or Brazilian, poor chap)

More on becoming a terrorist later.

looming doom for Lebanon

I can't say the shit has hit the fan, but it seems as if it's heading for the fan at a fairly high speed!
Not only did Israel breach the ceasefire and attempt to land its elite commandos in the Bekaa again, but the Israeli Defense Ministry has said it should start preparing for the next round of the war. Funny stuff. At the same time, the Israeli Foreign minister Tzipi Livni assigns a taskforce to concoct ideas for negotiating with Syria. Whatever happened to good old ‘sworn enemies’?

The Lebanese people are a bunch of assholes as always. As soon as the war was over, you got the idiots driving around making loud noises in celebration of god knows what victory. There are banners, sticker and billboards telling us that Hezbollah has been victorious and that Hassan Nasrallah is the man. In this small and unprofessional picture, you can see one of these banners, immediately propped up in the destroyed suburb of Beirut. (Picture found here).

Something evil is cooking in the background. Christian leaders, such as Dr. Samir Geagea (who only did year 1 of medicine at the American University of Beirut, by the way) is talking shit about Hezbollah in an attempt to intimidate them and to make the Christian community afraid, thus creating more followers. Sort of like the George W. Bush’s “everyone around us is a terrorist trying to get us” tactics.

Druze chieftain MP Walid Jumblatt also had his share of shit to spill. I can say this country is full of people who are full of shit. The only nice guy is the Prime minister, who is a hard worker. His only problem is he cries too quickly. I’ve seen him on TV for a year now and I’ve seen him cry more than I’ve seen my younger brother cry in the 16 years he was growing up. Back to Jumblatt. That guy really knows how to get some people’s geese. Hezbollah had taken an oath not to respond to crappy comments (such as anything Jumblatt says) because they wanted to focus on the war, but I think the tension is increasing to a scary level.

where is the love?

Nasrallah said he will rebuild the destroyed areas. He promised plenty of money to every family that has lost its home. He promised rent and shelter. Wow, that must have moved his followers to tears. I hear many people telling me what a great man this Nasrallah character is. Frankly, I am not moved. He undermined the government by saying that the reason he is paying for rebuilding and for rent and stuff of the sort is because “the government will take forever before it handles these things”. He insulted the government and undermined it.

Yes, the government is a bureaucracy. Yes, it will take forever to get things going because of this government. But why say it out in the public. Why make fun of the government?

Please don’t misunderstand me. I hate the government. But I think we need to pretend to be standing united, that’s all.

embarassing people

Listen to these two men talk. It’s shameful.

1) Lebanese President Emile Lahoud made a heartwarming (yawn) speech on TV this weekend telling us that he, as our president, will protect us. I immediately felt protected and had a good night’s sleep. Right I did!

2) Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, who has lost all his political and social tact, insulted the entire region by insulting every Arab leader. I hate every Arab leader, but if I was president of the world’s second most hated country (after Iran), I’d pretend to love all my Arab neighbors.

If these are our role models, I'm ashamed.

Let’s not forget the good old Saad al-Hariri, who’s so full of crap it’s not funny. The guy can’t speak to save his life. It’s almost humorous to watch this guy speak, and even funnier to listen.

I'm officially ashamed of being a Lebanese. And I didn't even say a thing about MP Nayla Mouawwad, our very own half-dunce, half-dunce. Warning: She wants to run for president. Having a woman president is revolutionary, but having Nayla Mouawwad for president is plain 'devolutionary'.

lord of the flies, again

Friday morning finds me in the office. As usual, I’m the first one in and have to wait at least an hour before my colleagues-with-privileges com in. I don’t understand why everyone thinks they can come in late. Maybe I don’t understand why I don’t have it in me to come in late myself. Anyway, being the first one in the office does have its benefits.

Not only do I have alone time to write my blog and enjoy the silence, I also have enough privacy to take off my shirt and flick off those nasty little black insects that always land on me as I walk to work.

I’ve discovered that these insects, which I am hesitant to call fruitflies, actually hover around a small fruit-bearing tree right outside my office. Under the tree sits the newspaper man. I wish I didn’t have to pick up the papers in the morning. Every time I take the newspapers from the dude, I have to deal with the million insects all over my arms.

“We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.”— Bill Vaughan

Byblos Port: before & after

The following three pictures were taken by my girlfriend while we toured the port city of Byblos, a few kilometers north of Beirut. The pictures were taken on Sunday, June 4, less than two months before the war began. The pictures show parts of the port and the (somehow clean) sea water.



























The following two pictures I recieved recently via email show the same port. Notice the black muck in the water as a result of and Israeli air raid on the Jiyye powerplant's petrol tanks many, many kilometers to the south. This will take forever to clean up.

Feel free to expand these pictures and take a closer look at the thick patches of crude oil on the surface of the water.

the shifting taste of boredom

I've been listening to the Liberian national anthem for hours on end lately. Boring. This is part of my inspiration process. The point is to make music for a Liberian mobile phone company. This 1-minute piece will become the company's identity. Although they liked some of the music I sent them, they actually want me to give it a tinge, a feeling of Liberia . They asked me to include parts of the national anthem.

The secret is: I actually listened to the anthem before I even made the first demos. So, technically, the demos were inspired by Liberian national anthem.

Don't ask me how I got the deal with the Liberian company. Don't even ask me how this music thing started.


deskwork

Has your ass ever gone flat from just sitting around behind your desk? Good news: That's only an optical illusion.

My job is to sit around and wait until my boss gives me an order. Even then, the work I do is boring. I don't think talking about my job will excite anyone.


for the love of spiders

Something has to be seriously wrong when watching a spider build a cobweb in the small corner above your desk becomes your most stimulating pastime.




identity crisis

My photocopy machine thinks it's an oven. I swear that the big machine heats up so much I could almost feel its buttons turn to a hot goo under the pressure of my fingers.


absent friends

The other day, I was digging through my phone book for my friends. I found out the following:

1. My friends are those who hate me the least.
2. I have no friends left in the country. Canada, Africa, the USA and the Arab Gulf have devoured my friends.
3. Those who remain avoid me.
4. Who needs friends anyway?

haunted by spam

All you have to do is sign up for one, only one, wrong promotion in order to make sure you have to dump 240 unwanted messages from your inbox three times a day.

show me the meat

I've been vegetarian for two months now. I quit smoking as well. By all available standards, I'm a healthy human being. I also survived a 34-day war.

I'm beastiality-free, have only reasonable (and quite common) fetishes, indulge in an occasional alcoholic beverage (how scientific), and avoid excess fun.

I stay away from blondes, read voraciously, pick my nose in private (as you all do, so wipe that look off your face), and avoid making eye contact when I lie.

conclusion

...If the world had better jobs; if these jobs were more thought-provoking and engaging; if they were well-paid, then I would have not had time to write this. Where is Lady Justice? Is she wearing a blindfold because she hates to read blogs like mine? Or is this part of her kinky sexual preferences? And I was wondering about the sword, but that's a whole different story...

Good morning, people. Good morning, tasteless food. Hey there, little spider...

Bashar al-Assad and other problems

Bashar gets on my nerves...and not only because of what he says. It's also about the way he says it. Yesterday, Assad had much to say about Lebanese internal affairs. I will not use his speech as a starting point to defend the March 14 camp because I hate their guts too, honestly. But what I hate more is having somebody tell me how to live or conduct my country's policies.

I don't even want to stop on Assad's words, either. I would like to take a closer look at how the speech was conducted. First, assemble enough people and cram them into a large theater hall. Mind you, this is an assembly for Arab Journalists, but seemed only to bring together a lot of Syrian noisemakers.

Don't you hate to see a president giving a speech and then being interrupted by clapping and an occasional impromptu poem read aloud by some obese, bald man? Actually, I remember that, in the wake of the Hariri assassination, the same obese bald man read a poem at yet another journalist assembly. It seems Assad has a clique.

killer instinct

I wonder how much money Hezbollah pays these young kids to drive around in their noisy cars and play Nasrallah loud on the speakers while waving Hezbollah and Amal flags. Yesterday night, a couple of guys got into a fight while driving around in their propaganda-mobiles. Everybody is so tense, particularly the young recruits...I'm talking 17-, 18- and 19-year-olds who are at that reckless and angry phase of their lives.

What pisses me off the most is that I'm actually so pissed off, I can't even write about it well. Reading over this text again, I find it so useless, but I'm going to post it anyway, because I'm an Arab, which means I can't go back on my words. I prefer death to indecision. (I hope my non-Arab readers understand the sarcasm here).

sometimes I worry

• WCW, where are you?
• My lungs are hurting me and my heart does funny things (that are not funny any more).
• The fat bearded guy under my bed snores.
• Birds are falling out of the sky...dead.
• A cab driver ripped me off for L.L. 1000 yesterday because I was on the phone when I paid him.
• Soy is evil and I don't eat meat.
• When I grow up, will I become a terrorist? Will my friends hate me?
• I jog a lot, but my belly still wants to obstruct my view of my feet.
• I haven't seen my brother since the war began. He escaped the country.
• There's a group of boys who sit at the corner outside my girlfriend's house and play with butterfly knives. All this outside the local police station. Where's the law and order?
• Sugarless chewing gum causes bloating; bloating causes belching and other disgracing sounds.
• When will god make that appearance he promised me? It's part of a small deal we struck when I turned 18: He shows up, I believe in him. It's a win-win bargain for both of us.
• This country has run out of fuel, electricity, gentlemen, medication and houses, but it hasn't run out of drugs and cigarettes.

insensible celebrations

Oh, the horror. Yesterday night I wondered whether the war was a better experience than the celebrations. The streets were flooded with pro-Hezbollah civilians driving around on motorcycles, carrying flags of Hezbollah and the Amal Movement, making plenty of noise and just being plain annoying. And these aren't just young frustrated males, either. They're also older, more frustrated husbands driving around with their subordinate kids and wife, honking their horns, firing up some ruckus in the streets of the capital.

I can understand why many of these people would gather in the suburb, which was bombed by Israel for fun, and light fireworks, carry pictures of Hassan Nasrallah and wave the victorious V-sign. But I can’t understand why a man would put his wife and kids in the car and drive around like a 17-year-old, honking the horn and annoying other people his age, who would rather have a restful night. I’m talking 11:00 pm here.

Another thing that totally escapes me: Why the hell aren’t celebrations restricted to the areas where people actually want to celebrate? I mean, why are people from the Beirut suburb (Dahieh) actually celebrating in areas (I don’t want to mention names or be sectarian about it) where the dwellers want to celebrate?

I’m really happy the war is over. I slept well. I ate well. I didn’t wake up with a bitter taste in my mouth. But one thing for sure; I didn’t want to celebrate anything last night, much less have a celebration imposed on me.

"go home"

Here’s another crazy ordeal. The first thing everyone did when the war was declared officially over was to head home. For many, this meant a long arduous journey southward only to be met by demolished bridges and cluster bombs. Cluster bombs? Yes. These displaced civilians were ordered by their political leaders to return home because it would show the Israelis that we aren’t afraid of them. What did these displaced people find? The unexploded remains of cluster bombs.

Despite many official warning to stay the hell away from unidentified and suspicious objects, several people lost their lives yesterday. There were even stories about time bombs in the south. I can understand that Israel used the prohibited cluster bombs and had no control over the ones which didn't explode. But time bombs are a whole different case. I choose to believe my government's official report that time bombs were actually responsible for the death of civilians after the war ended. I say this because I'm sure somebody will tell me that time bombs were not used and that this was all a lie.

biological responses

It's back to life as usual. Work is still slow. I dreamt that my friends returned to the country but some of them didn't call. I'm disturbed, somehow, and my dreams have no desire to hide this fact from me...

First thought when I woke up this morning: Caramel-covered tomatoes with walnut filling. I don't think I'll follow up on this recipe.

Waiting for rain to clean the air a bit. Try breathing dust, the ashes of destroyed buildings, the stink of human remains or my next door neighbor's frying eggplant.

on 'spamphlets' and other things

I call them 'spamphlets' because no one wants them on their front door. First Israel; now Hezbollah. Israel sends us the most humorous pamphlets via airmail, warning us of looming doom. Hezbollah hand-delivers its spamphlets, thanking us for withstanding the 34-day war. All this crap isn't worth the paper it's printed on, whether the printing was done in Lebanon or in Israel.

Five hours into the ceasefire, Israeli soldiers open fire on "a group of armed men" it claims were Hezbollah fighters. Would Condoleezza Rice consider this an offensive step that requires retaliation? Or is it only Israel that gets that kind of special treatment?

In related news, I'd like to say that I am not deluded enough to believe that Lebanon has emerged victorious from this war. We have all been scarred. I get headaches, high blood pressure and my heart palpitates. I haven't slept a wink since the war began. I also haven't been able to let out all the frustration of being in a state of war. All this has affected me.

I'm sure many citizens who spent time in bomb shelters in northern Israel would agree that they have had similar symptoms. That's because we're all human beings. The only difference between us is that I'm a terrorist Arab who would rather blow himself up on a Haifa bus than raise a happy family and live in peace, right?

The war is over. Let us rejoice, each in our own way.

the remaining questions

I've been meaning to write down these questions for a while now, but every time I get to blog, there are more pressing matters. With the end (?) of the war, I guess there's time:

1) If Olmert wants the Lebanese army to take control of south Lebanon, why the hell did he attack several army posts throughout the country? (Wrong answer: "The army collaborates with Hezbollah.")

2) Why did the IDF occupy and interrogate 350 security forces in south Lebanon and then let them go? (Wrong answer: "Standard IDF procedure.")

3) Why did all these Arab singers start making songs and public appearances urging Lebanese people and Arabs to support Lebanon and donate money? (Wrong answer: "They truly care.")

4) Does Israel follow the motto, "If you can't beat them, join them"?

5) Why didn't anyone mention that Hezbollah, in 2004, kidnapped Israeli soldiers and Tel Aviv, rather than demolish Lebanon, actually traded some prisoners with Lebanon?

6) Why didn't anyone mention that Hezbollah launched rockets into northern Israel only after the IDF bombed Beirut's suburb?

7) If Hassan Nasrallah is hiding in the Iranian embassy, who the hell is the fat bearded guy under my bed? Santa?

8) Why hasn't there been any mention that the two soldiers were kidnapped on the Lebanese side of the border? Why was this dropped from all reports following the beginning of the war?

9) Since when was Qaeda good friends with Hezbollah? And why was the supposed Heathrow Airport "terrorist plot" against the US so perfectly timed to precede the UN Security Council voting on the draft resolution concerning the Lebanese-Israeli war?

10) What makes Bush think he can refer to Muslims as fascists without actually angering the entire Muslim world? What makes him incapable of understanding that simply calling them fascists could act as an excuse for terrorist organizations to carry out attacks on the US?

11) Why does Qaeda only carry out its attacks outside the US, although Bush keeps reminding everyone that Qaeda hates America? Is Qaeda commissioned by the Bush administration? (Wrong answer: "You're just an Arab conspiracy theorist.")

12) why didn't the new UNSC resolution mention anything about Hezbollah's retaliation? Why didn't it mention anything about the mass murder of civilans in south Lebanon? (Wrong answer: "Hezbollah was using civilians as human sheilds." All the civilians that were killed were hiding in shelters.)

an end is near?

Here we are on the morning of August 14, the proposed date for the ceasefire. This morning, Israeli jet planes bid us farewell (I guess) by dropping pamphlets over Beirut. The pamphlets warned us that the IDF "will go back to using all necessary force against any terrorist activities originating from Lebanon". I'm shitting in my pants.

Even now, more than an hour into the ceasefire, fighter jets are still soaring overhead. What a promising start.

Yesterday, I watched the Israeli foreign minister, Tzipi Livni, talking about the great achievements of her country's army. It's funny how Tel Aviv considers itself victorious. I'm not saying Lebanon won anything. As a matter of fact, we lost a lot of infrastructure. But I'm saying that Israel really didn't win anything. Even they know it. Voices have been raised in Israel to say that the 33-day war has had little effect on Hezbollah.

the good old life

And the Lebanese are back to normal life. Proof? Well, only yesterday, the cabinet of ministers cancelled a meeting to discuss implementing the new UN Security Council Resolution 1701. Isn't that super-normal?

Intanto, the Lebanese media has resumed its normal brainwashing activities. The war is over, so there's no need to pretend to be united. Yesterday evening, each television channel was promoting its ideologies and subliminal messages. The Manar TV, Hezbollah's mouthpiece, was reminding us of its achievements. The Muslim Sunni outlet, Future TV, hosted a few speakers who were telling the Sunnis that they had paid severely for Hezbollah's moves. The Christian-owned LBC also had its talkshows involving strongly anti-Syrian speakers who had nothing nice to say about Hezbollah, Iran or Syria. The war is over and the brainwashing is back. Soon, everyone will want a piece of Hezbollah. Maybe a civil war is on the way?

For those of you who are not concerned with Lebanese affairs, here's something worrying.

I look forward to resuming normal life. In the 33 days of the war, I've done nothing but eat, sleep, watch TV, listen to the radio, read the newspapers, and (recently) jog. I miss seeing people. I believe we actually went out drinking once, but even then, the TVs had the news showing, and I gulped Mexican beer to news of an air raid over Baalbek.

tidbits

to WCW:
...just kidding. Wanted to tease you into replying because I know you've got a problem with that.

to W.A.H.:
Call me.

to S.R.Z.:
Nothing. Not yet anyway.

Israeli pets worth more than Lebanese babies

I can't believe it:

While Lebanese children and women are killed; while buildings and infrastructure are brought down by Israeli jet planes and warships; while Lebanon is being leveled...

This is what Israeli civilians care about.

Israel should save a tree

Stop throwing pamphlets...

The state of Israel dropped pamphlets over Greater Beirut today. The papers listed the names of Hezbollah guerrillas killed in the battlefield. The funny part is, do Hezbollah fighters go to battle with their passports? Do they wear name tags? I mean, for a "terrorist group" that so successfully hides in caves and launches unstoppable rockets, they seem to have screwed up by taking their ID papers to the field. Come on, guys.

I actually have a better suggestion for Israel:

Throw these same pamphlets over Israel because Olmert's popularity is waning. Poor PM. An opinion poll says Olmert and his beloved Defense (or should I say Offense) Minister are not as popular back home as they would like to be. Haaretz said only 48 percent of Israelis were satisfied with Olmert's impotence.

So, maybe if Olmert throws the pamphlets over Tel Aviv, he might regain the people's confidence if he succeeds in convincing the Israeli population that his mighty army is actually killing Hezbollah and not just babies and women.

code red, again (yawn)

Finally, the plot thickens. But it unfolds at the same time. I know that many will make fun of this theory and dismiss it as a conspiracy theory, but give me the benefit of the doubt and read to the end.

First of all, I had earlier written a blog about how fishy the Zawahiri video was. The Qaeda’s number 2 man pledged support to Hezbollah in its fight against Israel and threatened the Western world to unleash a terrorist wave in retaliation. Yesterday, some pieces of the puzzle began falling into place. I'll get back to Zawahiri soon.

The foiled terrorist attempt at Heathrow Airport really brings things into perspective. The US always seems to ‘unfoil’ a terrorist attempt that was ‘just about to happen’ whenever the need arises. The Israeli war on Lebanon has had the world divided in opinion. But the new ‘terrorist’ threat should really unite the Americans against ‘Muslim Fascists'.

No American would like his/her country to be in a “Code Red” state. The Bush administration knows this. Blair and his goons know that too. So, what do they all do? Raise the alert at home, piss off a few travelers, who will surely want to vent their anger by calling for an end to Muslim terrorists worldwide, giving the US administration full authority to cleanse the world of the Allah-worshiping fanatics.

perfect timing

It all seems well-timed to me. In the midst of the highly controversial Israeli military campaign against Hezbollah, which is actually killing Lebanese civilians instead, a terrorist plot against the US is thwarted. This will create a diversion and cause the public opinion in the US, where many voices had been raised against Tel Aviv, to shift. The same, of course, would take place in Britain. Perfect timing, every time!

Badmouther Bush said that the US was safer than before 9/ 11, but added that, of course, it would be a mistake to believe there was no longer a threat. "The American people need to know we live in a dangerous world, but our government will do everything it can to protect our people from those dangers," he reminded. Amazing how the US public is always made to live in fear of others. And they say Arab regimes are terror regimes, and that Arab citizens live in fear. That’s a lie. Just come down to Beirut in the middle of an Israeli Bomb-Fest and you will see that it’s business as usual.

Zawahri: American collaborator?

The Qaeda video in which Ugly Man Zawahiri promised revenge for Lebanon and Hezbollah against Israel might have fooled many in the Arab world. It may even have worried many pro-US Arab Monarchs (think Mubarak, Abdullah of Jordan, Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, and others). But the truth is nowhere close.

Al-Qaeda is a terrorist group. It was created (supposedly) to fight against the Evil USA and the West. Many of us are familiar with how Qaeda emerged, and how its Osama bin Laden was backed by the US before he (supposedly) turned against them.

Hezbollah, on the other hand, is a resistance group that was created to push occupying forces off Lebanese soil (remember US soldiers in 1982? Israeli troops in 2000?). Much like the French resistance, which no one would dare criticize, Hezbollah’s sole purpose it to remove occupation. That’s what Hezbollah says, and we must believe them just like we believe Qaeda when it says it wants to obliterate the USA and Israel!

The conclusion is simple: When Qaeda pledges to support Hezbollah, this automatically links Hezbollah to the terrorist organization. Isn’t this perfect for the West? Doesn’t this ‘cooperation' between Qaeda and Hezbollah render the latter a terrorist group?

I’m sure Zawahiri, who is smart enough to evade US intelligence for so long, would not make such a mistake. I also wonder why, in his videos, Zawahiri does not look like he is hiding from the world’s greatest intelligence forces: the CIA, FBI, Mossad and the like. Come on, guys, you can do better than that.

rebuilding lebanon: new gold rush?

Lebanese former PM Najib Mikati said on august 8 that he will rebuild the Madfoun Bridge that leads north from Beirut. The bridge was destroyed by Israeli jet planes on August 5. Apart from being a great publicity stunt on Mikati’s behalf, this great act of charity reveals that the former PM actually possesses a lot of cold hard cash. We must wonder where all this money comes from. And we must not forget all the other politicians who, much like Mikati, have become quite ‘fortunate’ since their election to the parliament or cabinet of ministers.

Another eye-catching jest: the monarchs of many Arab states have launched funds and relief efforts to rebuild Lebanon. These funds are meant to portray to the Lebanese people a sense of solidarity, but the reality is much different. These monarchs actually want to quell the fears of Shiite minorities at home. The southern suburb of Beirut, as well as south Lebanon, is Shiite-dominated. The heads of the mainly-Sunni Arab states are sending messages to their Shiite constituents, “See? We like Shiites. Don’t worry.” Meanwhile, we must not forget that these Arab states gave the thumbs-up to the US-Israeli attack on Lebanon in the first place.

The last thing that captured Monk’s attention is the fact that many of the international funds in support of Lebanon are set in American banks. Why is that? America supports Israel. And will the money actually go to rebuilding the destroyed areas in the south, or to the pockets of power-hungry politicians again?

And will the Shiite population in Lebanon accept the fact that Lebanese Sunni organizations (The Hariri foundation, for example) want to rebuild the south? We must not forget that many Lebanese people -- Sunnis mainly -- still hold a grudge against the assassinated former MP Rafik al-Hariri for monopolizing the rebuilding of greater Beirut and confiscating people’s land (whether or not this is true, of course).


the rest

At the same time, Syria is trying to reinstate itself in Lebanon, not only by providing a little assistance concerning the shortage of electricity. Remember Mikati? He is a Syrian symbol, is he not? And the fact that the likes of Druze MP Walid Jumblatt and Sunni MP Saad Hariri are attacking Syria tells us that Damascus is a threat.

Oh yeah, Iran has also pledged to rebuild parts of Destroyed Lebanon.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you. But, in the end, a short nursery rhyme from the past is playing in my head as I watch all this on TV:

All the king’s horses
And all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty
Together again.

the black beach - update II

go to the black beach - update I

dead Iranians in south Lebanon

First thing that came to mind this morning was a piece of news circulated by Israeli Television, which says that the IDF is finding Iranian soldiers among those killed in the fighting in south Lebanon. In other words, Israel claims (as it always has) that Iran is sending troops to assist Hezbollah in its fight against the Jewish state.

What strikes me as odd is how the IDF manages to identify Iranian troops. First of all, Israel has not yet claimed to have 'abducted' (a word I borrow from the UNSC draft resolution) any Iranian soldiers in south Lebanon. This means that the IDF baby-killers only identified these Iranians fighters in the field!

This also means that Tehran sent its fighter in full uniform to assist Hezbollah. So, 50-100 Iranian guerillas are running around in the south clad in the full military outfit of their homeland? Sure!

I am reminded of the July 7, 2005 bombing of the underground in London. In the wake of the bombing, police were afraid that the incident would repeat itself. On July 22, 2005, British police preemptively shot a Brazilian man, Charles de Menezes, after suspecting he carried a bomb. The 27-year old electrician was shot seven times in the head by scared-shitless policemen who thought he looked like an Arab terrorist. Well done, guys.

Just like British policemen could tell an Arab terrorist simply by looking at him, Israeli soldiers can identify Iranian fighters in the field. Well done, guys.

more on terrorism

One more thing has constantly been nagging inside my head: The Israeli attack on a funeral procession in south Lebanon on Tuesday.

The Israeli army sent 1,500 mourners running for their lives and killed 14 people in Ghaziyeh, a town southeast of the port city of Sidon. The attack took place five minutes after the procession passed.

A parallel emerges to the slaughters taking place in Iraq, which is (ironically) occupied by Israel's greatest ally, the US of A. In Iraq, suicide bombers also attack funeral processions, killing tens and hundreds of people. These suicide bombers are labeled as terrorists not only by the West (which is fond of calling any Arab a terrorist), but also by Arabs and Muslims. Religious figures in the Muslim world refer to these suicide bombers as terrorists, and clearly denounce the men, saying they do not represent Islam.

The point is: Attacking a funeral procession is condemned by the Western and Muslim communities alike. When an Arab attacks a funeral procession in Iraq, he is a terrorist; when Israel does the same in south Lebanon, it is killing Hezbollah -- a euphemism for children and women.

kick the dog

On a final note, just imagine what would happen to you if you kicked a dog (oh, the horror!) in public in New York. Just imagine how many lawsuits by how many animal rights organizations would rain down on you like an ancient curse from the Bible.

You can't kick a single puppy in the USA, but you can kill 1,000 civilians in Lebanon.

Israel drops pamphlets over Beirut

This just in:

Israeli planes dropped pamphlets over Beirut 5 minutes ago. The pamphlets said, roughly:

To the people of Lebanon:

Why did Hassan [Nasrallah] attack the state of Israel?

Was it to free the Lebanese prisoners from Israeli jails?

He could have let go of the captured Israeli soldiers a long time ago through negotiations rather than bring destruction to Lebanon.

Hassan took off on a dangerous adventure and came back empty-handed.

Hassan is playing with fire and Lebanon is burning [because of him].

Hassan. has gambled with your fate and you are paying the price.


--The state of Israel


Useless propaganda.

Please read this (you won't regret it).

random ranting

Listening to the Israeli ambassador to the UN yesterday really was a humorous pastime. "Our enemy (Hezbollah) hides among the civilians and hides its weapons with civilians, in mosques and in the UN buildings." Did the Israeli representative just justify attacking the UN? I am a civilian...I don't remember ever hiding any weapons for Hezbollah. Oh shit, I forgot about the Katyusha in the bathtub...and the Scud missile under the kitchen sink.

"Israel is facing an enemy (Hezbollah) that hides its missiles and rockets in the basements of buildings." What the hell is he talking about? Imagine you were living in a building and you knew that the basement was full of rockets and missiles? Ok, let's take the Israeli assumption that every Lebanese person (or Arab, for that matter) is a terrorist...Is there a mother on earth who would accept to live in a building that could one day, through a simple mistake, explode and kill her children? The Israeli spokesman expects the West to believe that everybody in the south lives on top of thousands of tons of explosives. The sad part is the West might have believed the Israeli ambassador to the UN.

According to Israeli daily Maariv yesterday, the death toll in Israel has reached 100, 64 of whom were members of the military...soldiers. That means that 64% of those killed were soldiers. As for Lebanon, the official number is at 1000, and the UNICEF says that some 30% of them are children under 12 years of age. A source at the UNICEF told me that 30% is a an estimate. The source explained that the percentage of children killed is much higher than 30%. The remaining 70% of those killed are civilians.



shooting to kill

One more note concerning Israeli statistics....Every day, Tel Aviv reports that 100, 200, 300 Hezbollah rockets have landed in northern Israel. No problem. I believe it. We believe it. But let's just think about how much damage a Katyusha could do compared to the 200,300,400 missiles Israel fires daily onto civilian cars, ambulances, houses, bridges, stray cats, birch trees or anything that moves? There is a fact that seems to escape the public eye: Hezbollah sets up its Katyusha missiles and fires them very quickly, sacrificing accuracy for the sake of the element of surprise.

The Israeli ambassador to the UN said yesterday that Hezbollah fighters place the Katyusha pods in a hurry and run to hide before the rockets take off. On the other hand, Israel does not fire randomly. Israel aims and fires. Israel uses heavier artillery, vacuum bombs and US-provided smart bombs. Israel knows exactly where it is firing because it has time to stop and think about it. Hezbollah fires and hopes to create damage, havoc and shock (Israeli casualties are mostly people in shock); Israel shoots to kill.

away from politics: on plagues and natural disasters

Today, as I walked to work, I was overtaken by a cloud of very small black insects that stuck to my body and clothes. I wonder what these are. Is it the plague? It took me 15 minutes to get them off me. I had to take off my shirt and give it a good swing to rid it of the small flies embedded in the fiber. I had to get the tiny things out of my arm hairs. I had to brush them out of my hair. Had my mouth been open, I would have had the non-nutritious insects for breakfast.

The first thing that came to my Arab-terrorist mind: "What Zionist conspiracy is this?"

Yesterday evening, a small marble factory caught fire near Mar Elias Street in central Beirut, sending columns of black smoke into the skies. Many concerned people ran to the factory, creating a "human shield" around it (I said no politics!). It was relieving to watch devastation that was not brought about by Israeli aggression. I overheard one man say to another, "I hope this [fire] will make Israel feel bad so that they won't attack at night...Maybe we can sleep tonight."

Funny enough, Israel attacked the southern suburb at 8:10 pm and at 11:20 pm, but allowed us to sleep the rest of the night. God bless random disasters.

to WCW

Concerning your vacation in Lebanon, there really isn't much left to see, unless you're into destruction. Good luck with the "young rebels".

plea for work

I write half of my entries from work during the day. Work. That's a funny word. There is no work. There's nothing to do any more. I just sit on my...well...where I normally sit...and do nothing except wonder where the next strike is going to be.

Please help us end the war so I could have something to do. I know it sounds selfish, but boredom is as fatal as Israeli baby-killing guided missiles.

Give me work.

how screwed is Lebanon?

...let's just take a look at a few of the people who are involved in deciding the fate of the country...the list of players is long, and the prospects are blood-curdling:

We're in some serious trouble.

a process of elimination

...and I am not referring to Olmert's ruthless war against the civilians of southern Lebanon, either. I am talking about eliminating your options:

Some Lebanese people, and I don't want to say Christians, always took pride in claiming that they are not Arab in the strict sense of the word. Some of these Lebanese people claim that they are 'Europeans' surrounded by Arab countries. Some even claim they are the embryo of Pheonician sailors who docked in our ports and impregnated all our women. These same European/Pheonician-Lebanese believe that Lebanon is backed by the West because it is a small democratic oasis in the great Arab desert.

Some Lebanese people, and I don't want to say Muslims, always took pride in digging up their Arab tradition and Arabism, as well as all other literary chivalrous affiliations to their Arab neighbors. Some of these Lebanese people claim that they are as Arab as anyone else in the region. These same Arab-Lebanese believe that Lebanon is firmly embedded in its Arab surroundings and is thus backed by all its Arab neighbors.

Some Lebanese people, and I don't want to say the minorities, believe that they are backed by Russia, China, North Korea, Burkina Faso, Tahiti, Cuba, Mongolia, or any other country in the world...

A close look at the events over the last few days should make the abovementioned Lebanese people realize the following:

1) The West, after hours of deliberation, coughed up a phlegmy (sorry) draft that only serves Israel. They did not support European-Lebanon.

2) The Arabs, after hiding their heads in the oil-rich sands for the first two weeks of the war, failed to stick together to exercise any pressure on the West in favor of Lebanon. They did not support Arab-Lebanon.

3) No other small-, big- or medium-sized country supported Lebanon against the US-Israeli war machine.

Therefore, it must be easy to conclude that the Lebanese people have no friends whatsoever in the world. This means that, regardless of the sectarian tension that has maimed Lebanon's progress over the years, the Lebanese people must learn to love each other because no one else loves them.

dubious drafts

Get the PDF version of the United Nations Security Council draft resolution.

the lighter side of war

Are you tired of news flashes, air raids and waking up to the sounds of Beirut's suburb being bombed for the fun of it by trigger-happy Israeli jet pilots? Do you see dead people too? Try Tramal. Everybody in Lebanon's doing it. Hours of endless, uninterrupted sleep guaranteed. The inexpensive remedy to war-caused sleep disorders.

Are you the type that likes to drive your noisy car aimlessly around Beirut in hope of attracting the woman that will give you hours of erotic pleasure? Are you sick and tired of not finding a gas station that will fill your ride and allow you to practice your favorite hobby? Try cycling. Not only will you save on gasoline, but you will also build up your physique, ensuring a good catch every time.

Are you bored of staying at home? Do you miss your social life? Try Scrabble, Boggle or Monopoly. Although these games will not improve your social status (or may actually harm your social life), just remember that some of your friends may be playing these very games in secret too.

Are you one of those people who like to stroll in Beirut or go on long hiking trips in Lebanon's great outdoors? Are you one of those people who like to camp or trek through the forests of the Lebanese mountains? Do you like road trips or spending a lazy day on the beach? Try forgetting about it ever happening again. Lebanon has no more bridges, the forests have been burned, Beirut is part-rubble-part-dense-population, the mountains, plains and plateaus have been thoroughly bombed, leaving no place to camp or trek. Your country no longer looks the same. Forget about the beach, the mountain, the forest or the field.


Time-Consuming Exercise #1:

Print out the silhouette on the left and redesign your country. Remember to draw new bridges, buildings and factories to replace the ones destroyed by Israel. Don't forget to draw cemeteries for the innocent people that have been killed in the "attack on Hezbollah."

Time-Consuming
Exercise # 2:

Use the time you spend in hiding to convince yourself that one day, when the war is over, all will be back to normal. Use variations of the following lies:

a) Lebanon is a peaceful country where everyone lives in peace with their next door neighbor.

b) Lebanon is an economically stable country with plenty of rich friends in the Arab world.

c) The USA is our dearest friend. We are like a young brother to George W.

d) The whole world will jump to our rescue because no one really believes we are terrorists. The West doesn't really think we are the evil offspring of Osama bin Laden. France, Britain and the USA, all of whom supported us when we pushed Syria out, will help us get rid of Israeli occupation as well.


Today's Thank You goes out to each and every single person that convened at the UN Security Council meeting to come up with the draft resolution. Great job, guys...But did anyone remember that Lebanese Prime Minister Fouad Siniora, just like Baby-Killer Olmert, asked that some points be implemented into the resolution?

The Lebanese people don't want war. But they don't want Israeli presence (or of any other foreign force for that matter). The Lebanese people don't want to see Israeli civilians being killed. The only difference between Lebanese civilians and their neighbors to the south is that they admit when innocent Israeli civilians are being killed. lebanon's Jewish neighbors think it's ok to kill 35 babies as long as you injure, partially maim, scar, pin prick, or hurt the feelings of one Hezbollah member in the process.

Lebanon welcomes fat cats

The Lebanese Interior Ministry has banned any demonstrations tomorrow because Arab Ministers are arriving in Beirut to discuss the current crisis. It’s funny how the Lebanese government still wishes to be courteous with the same Arab backstabbers that gave an ok to U.S.-backed Israel to deliver death and bloodshed to Lebanon. I don’t know why we continue to smile at those bastards as if they actually care for anything but their fat bellies and petrol. A good move for Israel would be to bomb them for us.

Speaking of Israel, these sensitive and considerate mother-killers have dropped pamphlets over Sidon urging the locals to flee because the IDF air force wants to eradicate Hezbollah. Unfortunately for the thoughtful IDF, the people of Sidon have refused to get out, which means that many of them will die in air raids on supposed Hezbollah strongholds such as the ones in Qana (remember Qana?).

A small note for the global community that is only partially aware of the delicate sectarian situation in Lebanon. This small country boasts 17 sects living in high population density. This means that many sects (and believe me, they hate each other’s guts) are living in close contact with each other. Why am I saying this? Because 2 things have been achieved by Israel…

1) The mainly Muslim Sunni Greater Beirut area has been flooded with Shiites, tipping the sectarian scale in a dangerous direction. This imbalance could be dangerous once the war is over. Israel, which has long attempted to cram the Palestinians into small isolated areas, knows that the Shiite surge will surely cause some strain in Beirut.

2) Sidon is a Sunni city in southern Lebanon. This means that any attack on Sidon will infuriate the already-angry Sunnis all over the country. And let’s not forget that Sidon is the hometown of late Rafik al-Hariri, whose murder is blamed on Syria (hypothetically a close ally of Hezbollah). Any attack on Sidon should seriously upset the Sunnis, who are backed by Shiitephobic Arab states such as Saudi Arabia and Jordan.

With the death of some 12 Israeli soldiers in the Hezbollah bombing of northern Israel today, the night promises to be a hot one. By the morning, the topography of south Lebanon will have changed. Furthermore, the morning brings a bunch of Arabs, who will surely try to convince the Lebanese government to accept the unfair UN Security Council draft resolution.

On a final note, it is worth wondering why the Jewish state, which has maintained a tightfisted siege on Lebanese airspace and territorial water, is easing its grip a little in order to allow the mostly Arab ministers to visit. Are these ministers carrying messages that would benefit Israel? Are these Arabs here to secure the Lebanese signature on the draft resolution?

what are they trying to sell us?

This stupid UN draft, concocted by one of Lebanon’s (supposed) biggest ally, France, looks like a take-it-or-leave-it decision. Actually, it's more of a take-it-or-die decision because we have to choose between accepting Israeli presence on Lebanese soil or accept an ongoing war that reaps the souls of babies and helpless mothers.

Since the murder of former Prime Minister Rafik al-Hariri, the Lebanese people have been brainwashed into thinking that they have great allies…France, Saudi Arabia, the Gulf countries, USA, UK…All this simply because these countries supported us for our plea to get Syria out of Lebanon. But now, at a moment of dire need, these same countries have left us to a deadly destiny. None of these countries called for a ceasefire. Our allies want us to die.

Condi says she’s sad that the Lebanese children had to die or suffer. Just look at her face. Look at the pity in those evil-looking eyes. I personally can only look at her face for a few seconds at a time before my eyes get sore. They say your true spirit is revealed in your eyes.

So many nations have protested for an end to the war in Lebanon, much to the dislike of their governments.

Today, tens of thousands of people gather in Hiroshima to pray for a nuclear weapons-free world. Yeah, right! Wasn’t Hiroshima the spot where the U.S. decided to test its first nuclear weapon on innocent civilians because testing weapons in the Nevada desert got boring? How much pity do you expect from a nation so powerful it can do that to Hiroshima…what can you expect from a country based on eradicating the original inhabitants of a place before taking over?

Egyptian police participates in politics

Did anyone watch the protests organized by Egyptian men and women on Friday? It took place in the Al-Azhar University, Egypt’s highest Muslim authority. The demonstration called for solidarity with the Lebanese people. The funny part was how it was thwarted within the University premises before the protesters took to the streets. Egyptian undercover cops beat the protesters, who defended themselves in some street fight action.

Egypt is a funny country. Butt-ugly Mubarak is calling on Arabs to unite. The idiot always wants to appear as a defender of Arab rights. Why else does Egypt always interfere in Palestinian internal affairs? Why else has useless Amr Moussa been secretary general of the Arab League for god knows how long?

Meanwhile, the UN Security Council can’t get its act together and give the U.S. a piece of its mind. How can the entire world sit by and watch as Lebanon is annihilated by the Jewish state. Whether or not the war is meant to eliminate Hezbollah is irrelevant —what is happening is the mass murder of civilians and the abolition of more than 15 years’ worth of construction and progress in Lebanon.

Only Venezuela had the guts to recall its ambassador from Israel?

late night death toll

955 Lebanese civilians killed in Israeli air strikes "that aim at neutralizing Hezbollah infrastructure only."

30% of the dead are children (you do the maths).

Good night, Olmert. Baby-killer.

Good night, public opinion. Good night, average human being.

a tribute to Grandizer

These two pics, although not much, do bring back many memories. I'm sure a whole generation of Arabs are linked together by the love of Duke Fleed, particularly those raised in Saudi Arabia or the Gulf countries. That's why I posted these pics...Every time I open this blog, I'll be greeted by one of my all-time favorite heroes: Grandizer.

note to self

if Israel says that Hezbollah's infrastructure has been completely destroyed, why must Tel Aviv destroy the infrastructure of Lebanon as well?

Israeli breakfast is served

As this blog is being typed, Israeli bloodlusting jet planes are destroying all the bridges in the northern part of the country, mainly those that link Beirut with the northern parts of the country. This, mind you, happened after the jet planes spent the entire night leveling the southern Beirut suburb of Ouzai.

It appears that, under the pretext of cutting off Hezbollah supplies from Syria (which don't usually travel down the main road), Israel is infuriating the mainly Christian population of the northeastern region. Not only did they attack the bridges during the day, when many Lebanese civilians are commuting to work, but the attacks also caused some damage to the surrounding forests, some of which are on fire at the moment.

After Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah's appearnance on TV yesterday, it seems only natural that Israel would find nothing better to do than to attack the christian community, many of whom (or at least pretend to) support Hezbollah against the Israeli aggressors.

One can only hope that the militarily-challenged Olmert is giving Lebanon a farewell before a ceasefire takes place. But the news bulletins are full of failures.

click here

and here

August 2 in Lebanon

Read this article in Turkish here or here.

Here's a story you won't see on CNN. Yesterday afternoon, while Israeli commandos were ridding Lebanon of its terrorists (!), a family of five ran for shelter into the open fields so that Israeli jet planes and helicopters could see the innocent children.

Unfortunately, it seems that this was exactly what the Israeli warmongers wanted to see. An Israeli jet plane fired a missile into the shade where the family stood, shredding two of them into pieces. Lebanese television has more gruesome footage to show than the above picture.

Meanwhile, the US is still as slow as ever in pressing its Israeli allies to stop the barbaric assault on Lebanon. Last night was hell not only in Beirut, but also all over the country. Israeli war planes attacked areas in the south, north and center of the country. Yet again, the attacks seem to be simply for the sake of attacking. Yesterday's commando landing in the eastern plateau resulted in the capture of five civilians, one of whom was later released because he was 14 years old. Did the Israeli commandos not see that he was 14 when they picked him up in broad day light? Or are Arabs terrorists until proven terrorists?

The death toll in Lebanon rose to 841. This number represents dead civilians. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Today's Thank You goes out to Suzan Mubarak, wife of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, who was elected last September for his fifth 6-year term! She's so sweet, the way she expresses her care for the Lebanese children, many of whom are dead now. Suzan, who has an MA degree in social education, sleeps in the same bed with the man who said: "Egypt will not go to war for the sake of Lebanon."

No one asked Hosni Monarch (oops) to go to war. Do Egyptian soldiers remember how to fight, or have they forgotten how to after the liberation of the Suez Canal? After all, has Egypt done anything more than regurgitate the Suez victory while at the same time signing a peace treaty with Israel?

In an interview with BBC Arabic yesterday at 4 pm (Beirut time), an Arab thinker suggested, "All Mubarak should do is shut up." Above all other matters, keeping shut should be Mubarak's top priority at the moment.

the black beach - update I

This article was published by the Washington Post online on august 1.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/31/AR2006073101086_pf.html

go to The Black Beach

note to self

if i find one more Zidane head butt-related forward in my inbox, i will murder 5 people...starting with myself....

War Statistics

Lebanon:

Dead: 831
Injured: 3,243
Displaced: 913,760

Total casualties: 917,834

source: Naharnet.com

Israel:

Dead: 19
Seriously wounded: 27
Moderately wounded: 40
Slightly wounded or in shock: 1,430

Total casualties: 1,516

source: Haaretz.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notice how, in Lebanon, you are either dead or wounded. Also note that the numbers represent civilians because Hezbollah has not presented its official number of dead and injured members.

Also...Note how, in Israel, you are either dead, seriously wounded, moderately wounded, or slightly wounded. You could also be in shock. Imagine how bad it would be for the Israeli propaganda if the numbers did not include those in shock (!).

War is unfair. But the statistics are unfair either. The Lebanese side does not count its slightly injured and shocked civilians. I'm sure 913,760 homeless people could be considered in shock.

Lebanon Back on Its Economic Feet

To all those economics-savvy Lebanese and Arab people, Lebanon's stock market reopened today after two weeks of closure imposed by the war. Lebanon's stock market closed on July 17 after Israeli aircraft attacked Beirut's southern suburb.

Somebody explain to me how a stock market works for a country that has been ground to dust. I'm not being sarcastic. If somebody could explain how a stock market could function during war, please do.

Thank you,

G.M.

American Youth Blind to Hate?

This picture, like many others of its kind, is a typical image at any Arab rally. But, following the Israeli aggression on Lebanon, this kind of image is being seen in various other countries in Asia.

I am not promoting or criticizing the burning of the US flag, or the trampling of Israeli and US flags under the angry feet of protesters. I am writing a small letter to the American public, particularly the youth. This is not a defense of the actions of Arab protesters.

Every American citizen is aware of how much money the US donates to poorer countries. Every one knows how much assistance and financial aid goes to the third world countries. Actually, American taxpayers complain about having to fund poorer countries such as the Arab and Asian ones.

Why, then, do the people of these nations harbor so much hate for America? What is the US doing wrong? Does anyone wonder?

There is no hiding that George W. Bush is the world's most hated figure, followed closely by Tony Blair. But, if these two men are modern-day Supermans, why so much spite toward them? The answer, young Americans, is there if you look for it. All you have to do is to get rid of the idea that the Middle East and other Muslim countries are full of hatemongers and ungrateful terrorists.